Meine Ruh’ ist hin,
Mein Herz ist schwer,
Ich finde sie nimmer
Und nimmermehr.

---

My knuckles ached under the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead. I stretched my fingers and toes to try and ease some of the pain, but it hardly helped. I reached into my bag and took out a bottle of acetaminophen tablets.

What a cruel joke.

I counted out two, dry-swallowed the tablets, then placed the bottle back in my bag.

I sighed and placed the score for Gretchen am Spinnrade on the stand, then adjusted the height of the piano bench.

It wasn’t quite the time we’d agreed on, so I warmed up my hands with scales and arpeggios while I waited. First, just two octaves together, then another two in contrary motion, then in thirds, then all of those again in different rhythms; I had a habit of showing up 30 minutes early to our sessions, so I had to get creative to pass the time.

The light November snow was visible through the window, as were the tops of campus buildings from our fifth-floor room. However, no matter how pretty winter was, my joints didn’t appreciate it one bit. My compression gloves helped the pain, but they never got rid of it.

It was nearly time for our session to start, so I closed the curtains and returned to my seat. As I got comfortable on the bench, the silence of the room was filled by the creaking of an old door and a voice too bright for early morning.

“Morning, Liv!”

She closed the door behind her, locked it, and pulled the shutters down.

“Good morning, Evelyn.”

“Glad you don’t play as stiff as you talk, ” she snickered, “Let’s start with ‘I like to sing.’”

“Okay, half steps?”

“Sure.”

Why was it that all vocal warmups had such bizarre lyrics? Perhaps it was so they’d be absurd enough to stick in your head, or goofy enough to make them something you’d want to sing more than bland arpeggios, but they only ever made me feel like an idiot.

“Alright, ‘ziga-ziga-zing’ next, please.”

I rolled my eyes. I doubted Evelyn understood how tedious it was for me to learn and transpose all these ridiculous exercises for her. Infuriatingly, she managed to sing them so beautifully despite their absurdity.

“Lofted fifths, rising.”

I played the first few with her, then only the starting notes, then only once every few steps to check her intonation. For each one, she held her hand at her stomach and raised it gently to her mouth. Maybe I was a pessimist, or I was just worried that it would make me look like a dork, but I sincerely doubted play-acting did much to aid your voice.

We continued with a few more exercises, and my arms moved on autopilot. The specific notes I was playing took a mental backseat to the sight of Evelyn in front of me. The way her chest rose and fell as she took breaths between phrases, or how her long blonde hair slid across it when she did; her perfect posture, and the way her lips and tongue moved to make her consonants clear–all of it was beautiful.

Seeing her like this, it made me think that maybe those silly exercises weren’t so bad after all.

I shook my head and refocused on the work we had to do. The recital was already next month, after all. I was here to fulfil the accompaniment requirement for my performance degree, not to ogle her.

“Liv, let’s run it through from the top first.”

“Of course.”

The piano part was deceptively simple. The right hand had to maintain a flowing legato ostinato to mimic the spinning of the wheel at which Gretchen sat, while the left hand was split between a sustained bass note and staccato middle voice to mimic the clicking of the wheel’s treadle.

None of these alone were particularly difficult, but the constant staccato voice meant the legato of the others had to be done entirely with the fingers, and having simultaneous and interchanging legato and staccato voices in the left hand was slightly mind-melting if I lost focus.

“Olivia, stop. You’re rushing.”

“No, your tempo picked up at ‘mein armer Kopf.’ You’re rushing the eighths at the ends of those bars.”

“I’m taking them a bit fast on purpose. Try not to speed up with me, I’ll keep track of the downbeat myself. The accompaniment has to stay steady. Let’s start back at ‘Wo ich ihn.’”

She was so confident and commanding during our practices, and it made what always came after intoxicating. A small giggle escaped me.

We tried again, and this time I let Evelyn play with her alignment more without matching her. I agreed on the accompaniment having to be mechanical, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about her playing with the timing of the vocals so much.

As her accompanist, it was my job to follow her, but also to keep her in line. She was asking me to pay attention to her while pretending to ignore her. Regardless, the run-through went okay. Afterwards, we tackled some remaining issues, like dynamics, rests, and cut-offs, most importantly at ‘sein Kuss!’

(REWRITE THIS SECTION TO HAVE OLIVIA GET LOST IN EVELYN’S BEAUTY AND FORGET TO COME BACK IN AFTER “SEIN KUSS!”)

About halfway through our third full playthrough, a sharp pain shot through my hand.

“Mm…”

“You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry. My hands just really hurt today.”

“Want to call it here then?”

The remorseful look on Evelyn’s face made me feel a little guilty. The thought of what came after rehearsal in our routine eased both the pain and the guilt though.

“Yeah. Let’s call it there for the music.”

Evelyn took a few step forwards and grasped my fingers with both her hands, then rubbed them tenderly. She stared at me with a subtle hunger in her eyes, and a slight upward twitch at the corners of her mouth betrayed her patient act.

“Eve. Down.”

She quickly dropped to her knees, and a soft thud filled the room as they hit the hardwood floor. Her bottom rested against her heels, and her short skirt draped across her pale thighs. Her head tilted up to face me, eyes locked with mine and filled with anticipation. If she had a tail, I’m sure it would have been wagging.

Her fingers twitched in her lap, and she anxiously played with her thumbs. I watched as her face grew more and more pouty as I made her wait for my next command. By the time small whining noises began slipping past her lips, my heart was already pounding out of my chest.

Adorable. Stupidly adorable.

I giggled to myself when I noticed her eyebrows had pulled inwards in frustration. I wanted to savour the look on her face a little longer, but we were both getting impatient.

I reached my hand out and held her cheek, and she leaned into my touch. Eve turned towards my gloved palm and gave it a small kiss, before running her tongue along the length of my fingers. I pulled my hand back while shooting her a look, and she gave me a slight giggle in response.

I lifted my right foot to Eve’s chest, and her tiny smirk grew into an expectant smile.

“Take it off.”

She carefully slipped the black dress shoe off my foot and placed it aside, then ran her hands up my leg still clad in my sheer black tights. Eve leaned forward to plant a kiss on my foot, so I pushed her back by the forehead.

“Did I tell you to do that?”

“Sorry, Mas—”

“Huh. I don’t remember puppies being able to speak.”

Eve sealed her mouth shut and loosened her grip on my leg. Her quick obedience sent sparks up my spine. I placed my foot on the floor and slowly slid it forward.

I lifted her skirt with my toes, taking deep breaths to steady my heartbeat.

“Puppies don’t need clothes either, do they? Should I help you out of those?”

She gave a shy nod.

I leaned forward and unbuttoned her blouse from top to bottom, leaving gentle kisses on her skin as I worked my way down. Every so often, I’d give her skin a gentle bite, and her body would grant me a twitch as a reward.

“…No marks.”

Her voice was quiet and shaky, her breathing unsteady.

“I know.”

I wondered, if I did leave a mark, would she be forced to claim me publicly?

I tapped her bottom gently over her skirt, and she stood up so I could slide it down. She stepped out of the skirt and kicked it aside. I stood up myself, slid her blouse over her shoulders, and reached around her back to undo the clasp of her bra.

I made sure to neatly fold her skirt and blouse before I placed them aside so they wouldn’t be wrinkled when we were done. It kept Eve waiting, but judging from the aroused look on her face, she didn’t appear to mind.

I reached into my bag and grabbed the blue collar I’d gotten for her to match her eyes, and wrapped it around her neck. I tightened it just enough for her to feel the pressure, but not enough to leave any red when she took it off. She moaned into my ear as I clipped the matching leash to the collar’s ring.

I wanted to push her down right there and take what I wanted from her. I’d leave evidence on Eve’s body that “Ava” would have to explain, and I’d—!

Olivia, stop. You’re rushing.

My throat was dry, and the room felt like it was turning around me.

Eve’s face darkened with concern, and she brought a hand up to my face. I grabbed her wrist and turned her around, then pushed her onto the piano bench. When I nestled my knee between her legs, she let out a relieved sigh. I swallowed down the vomit threatening to come up my throat.

There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s her fault for bringing it up. I’m just doing my job.

“Master, please.”

Pace yourself, Olivia.

I focused my eyes on a scratch on the piano’s harp and focused on my breathing.

In through your nose, out through your mouth.

“Hah…”

I wrapped the leather of the leash around my hand and braced myself with my arm against the piano. I pulled back the knee between her legs and replaced it with my mostly undressed foot, pressing it into her.

“Ah—”

She really was adorable. She looked the best like this. I wished she could always look like this.

“I’m... hah… really close…”

We’d already been in here for close to two hours, so I had to stop myself from drawing it out any longer.

Such a shame.

I adjusted the pressure of my foot and moved in tighter circles. I pulled on her leash a little harder to remind her it was there.

Not long after, Eve’s legs closed in tight around my foot, and a series of unintelligible whines and whimpers poured from her lips. I took my foot away and rubbed Eve’s stomach as soothingly as I could manage with how amped up I was.

“Thank you… Liv.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome… Let’s get dressed now.”

I unclipped the leash and took off her collar, and gave it a wipe before placing it back in my bag. I packed up the score and closed the piano lid before collecting my shoe and slipping it back on. In the corner of my eye, she was just finishing up getting redressed herself.

I handed Evelyn her music folder as she was doing up the top button of her blouse.

“Same time Friday?”

“Mm, I’m not sure. Thomas wants to take me out on a date that day and it might conflict with our practice.”

The ache in my fingers quietly made its presence known again. The acetaminophen must have been wearing off.

“Is that the only day he’s available?”

“The recital is still a month away, Liv. It would look suspicious to prioritize my accompanist over my boyfriend. It’d just be one session.”

Right, I’m just her accompanist.

I wanted to say something snarky, but the guilty look on her face made me feel bad for even thinking about it.

“Hah… I still don’t get why you haven’t broken up with him after last time.”

“You know it’s not that simple. It’s about more than just how he treats me.”

“Whatever, just text me when you find out.”

“Aw, what? Is my Master going to miss me?”

Evelyn tilted her head and reached a hand out to me, which I slapped away.

“As if. Get out of here already, I have to practice my solo rep now.”

“Haha, fine, fine. See you soon, Liv.”

“Goodbye, Evelyn.”

The door creaked as it opened, and it closed not long after. The only sound left in the room was the buzzing tubes lighting up the room.

“…Guess I’ll start with the Bach, then.”

I sighed and returned to the bench, giving my right hand a deep massage through the glove.